The Importance of Not Losing Hope
The Importance of Not Losing Hope
Embracing Mother Nature's I'll-bloom-when-I'm-ready approach
Happy September! I hope everyone had a lovely July & August. Summer is my favorite season for a few reasons—the warm, sunny days, the cricket soundtrack, and, most of all, the flowers. I live in New Jersey where the landscape can be pretty bleak from December through April. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll see a clutch of daffodils in late March.
Admittedly, I’m not a great gardener, but over the years I’ve planted a dozen hydrangeas around my property in an attempt to brighten it up during the summer months. With very little effort, these bushes blossomed. I’m talking blooms the size of softballs in pale blues, baby pinks, deep indigos, and buttery creams.
Each June and July, I’d cut them and bring bouquets to friends and arrange them in vases and mason jars and place them throughout the house. For about 6-8 weeks every year, I’d pretend to be Ina Garten, stepping out into a lush garden, scissors in hand. (And, as Ina would say, “How bad can that be?”)
In the past, all I had to do was water these plants and they’d come back bigger and brighter season after season. This year, however, only a couple of bushes flowered; most did not. Needless to say, I was crushed. Each time I left the house, I stopped to look for buds on the bushes below and beside my porch. Nothing.
I’d sigh and groan (not gonna lie, there may have been some mumbled swearing) and shove my face deeper into the branches, often getting poked in the eye, unable to accept that it would be a flowerless season.
“I wait all year for this!” I whine-screamed.
“You’re taking this awfully hard,” my husband said, “and I also think you’re starting to scare the neighbors.”
And so I gave up on my bouquets this year. I decided that during the winter and early next spring, I’d do some research and pick up some pruning and fertilizing techniques. I’d do better next year. I’d be ready!
Then about a week ago, all of a sudden there it was—one bud. Then another. Then another. It’s September! By now these blooms are typically brown and crispy. But here they are, saying, “I can’t believe you nearly gave up on us!”
You may be wondering, “What does this have to do with writing?!”
In this business, there are many moments (whole months—years, even) when I’d like to say, “I’m done….” or “Maybe I’ll try again next year….”
As I recently said to a friend, my hope supply has been running low lately. I’ve had a manuscript on submission for months and it’s garnered a dozen rejections. Sigh. Much like with my hydrangeas, I’m wondering, Where did I go wrong?
I’ve come to accept that maybe it’s just not the right time for that book. Maybe down the road I’ll figure out what’s missing and it’ll “bloom” at a later date.
Writers are often told to start a new project to occupy themselves while they wait to hear back on the manuscript that’s out with editors. With that in mind, I’ve been wrestling with a new manuscript, restarting it several times, and still wondering which opening is the right one.
Now, as I’m limping toward the finish line, I hear these terrible voices in my head, whispering, “No one cares, Liz!” “Who’s the audience for this?” “You’re spending way too long in this character’s head!” “Why are you introducing this new guy now?” “Have you considered getting a job at Trader Joe’s? Remember how much you like those plantain chips?!”
I’ve taken up residence in Second Guessing city and the longer I live here, the louder the whispers grow. They tempt me to say, “I’m done. Maybe I’ll come back to this next year.”
But … I’m in the home stretch (of this early draft). Now is not the time to give up.
Look at that hydrangea! I tell myself.
If you’re working on a project and doubting yourself, I hope you find your hydrangea too!
As I’ve been drafting this newsletter (for an embarrassingly long time), I’ve been emailing with an author friend, Elka Ray, and lamenting my current situation. Here’s what she wrote back, “I set Divorce Is Murder aside, only for an agent who'd rejected it to contact me 1.5 years later and say: ‘You know, books like that are now selling’ - and sell it. This is all beyond our control. ‘Every dog has its day’ - and so do many stories.”
Sometimes a message, filled with a friend’s wisdom, finds you at just the right time. Thank you, Elka! (Elka’s next novel, A Friend Indeed, comes out next spring. I’ll share more details soon!)
What I did this summer…
Back in 2018, I attended the Leopardi Writers Conference in Recanati, Italy and fell in love with this charming town, which dates back to the twelfth century.
I met wonderful people and it felt amazing to focus on writing for a full week. While I was there, I workshopped the first 50 pages of my young adult thriller, He’ll Be Waiting. I received a lot of positive feedback but also a pretty tough critique from the instructor who said I’d started the story “in the wrong place” and maybe the idea was “too commercial.” Ouch.
It was hard to hear. In that moment, I debated abandoning the project—at least for the foreseeable future.
Making that day a little rougher, when I got back to my room, I received an email from my agent at the time, who was shopping around my memoir, then-titled The Disposables.
The subject read: “In case you aren’t getting these…” In the body of the email, she’d cut and pasted rejections from four different publishers. Maybe she thought it was less cruel to clump them together rather than send separate messages? Either way, that day made me want to stop writing anything other than grocery lists and thank you notes.
But, instead of giving up, I grudgingly opened my laptop on the flight home, gutted my manuscript’s opening, and began again.
Over the years, I stayed in touch with the retreat organizers, who’ve been amazing about championing the work of attendees. This year, I was invited back to participate as a Guest Writer & Editor—a dream come true—and something that never would’ve happened if I’d bailed on my story back in 2018.
Again, I met such lovely and interesting people who generously shared their words with me. To have strangers show you their work and trust you with their stories feels like an honor and a privilege, sort of like someone letting you hold their baby (or kitten or puppy for non-baby-loving readers ).
Writing also took me to Virginia this summer. I’d bid on a two-night stay at Shenandoah Dog Friendly Rentals (part of a fundraiser for the Women's Fiction Writers Association) last year and won. This home, nestled in the Shenandoah Valley, was so clean, comfortable, and within walking distance of a charming cafe, Flour & Water Co., which served pizza so delicious it took me right back to Italy. (Grazie mille!)
While we kayaked and hiked, I kept thinking, How am I going to get to the end of this new manuscript?!? But instead of dwelling on the negative, I focused on the fact that writing had brought me there.
If I don’t give up, who knows where it’ll take me next?
Upcoming Events & Classes:
On Thursday, Sept. 7 at 6 p.m. I’ll be in conversation with the amazing Lee Kelly at The Book House in Millburn, NJ. Meeting Lee (who lives just a few towns away) has been another highlight of my summer. We’re celebrating the release of her completely gripping suspense novel With Regrets.
Equal parts Big Little Lies and Bird Box, this suburban drama, wrapped in a 24-hour survival story at the end of the world, is perfect for fans of David Koepp’s Aurora.
I’d preordered it but couldn’t take the suspense and was lucky to snag an early copy of the audiobook from NetGalley. No surprise, the incredibly talented voice actor Gail Shalan knocks it out of the park.
If you’re nearby, please join us!
For writers who are getting ready to look for an agent or editor, I’m presenting Taking the Scary Out of the Query on Oct. 1 from noon to 2 p.m. through powerhouse Zibby Media. If you can’t attend in real time, it will be recorded so you can watch me pray my slides and screensharing cooperate at your convenience. (To learn more about Zibby’s classes and her swoon-worthy retreats, don’t miss
.)I have my friend Julie Vick to thank for putting this teaching opportunity on my radar. An author and humorist, Julie writes one of my favorite newsletters:
. Not only is Julie super smart and funny, she’s incredibly generous when it comes to sharing her knowledge, her process, and also links to great books and opportunities.If you feel like going back to school yourself this fall, Julie is teaching a humor writing class that looks fantastic.
The always-hilarious
is with me on Zibby’s class roster, sharing How to Add Humor into Your Personal Essays.Summer reading/listening:
If my summer reading had a theme it would be memoir.
First up, I read Rash by Lisa Kusel.
Lisa moves from California to Indonesia with her husband, Victor, and their six-year-old daughter, Loy, when Victor accepts a teaching job at The Green School. What initially seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity turns out to be a bad bait-and-switch as student learning and faculty health and safety are low on the school’s founders' priority list.
While Bali should be the ideal setting to make a fresh start and get to work on her next novel, Lisa quickly discovers her new home is anything but an inspiring island paradise. From the smoldering heat and endless smoke to the festering mold to ant invasions, this wild world, complete with virus-carrying mosquitoes, has Lisa itching (literally) to leave. But duty-bound Victor wants to honor his commitment to the school and its students, causing friction between the couple.
Despite all the obstacles her family faces, Lisa maintains her wonderful wit, forms friendships, and does some serious soul-searching in a monkey sanctuary as she tries to keep her marriage and her mental health intact.
Told with tons of humor, honesty, and heart, Rash takes readers on a journey through the jungle with a narrator whose eyes are wide open. This memoir reads like a conversation with a friend who pulls no punches and isn’t afraid to tell you she's as flawed as her circumstances.
It’s no surprise that Lisa has turned to writing suspense (her novel, The Widow on Dwyer Court comes out next summer) because this memoir had me on the edge of my seat wondering: would the marriage make it, would anyone contract a terrible “rash” or other illness, and how fast could the family return to the comfort and safety Lisa craves.
Rash is the perfect cautionary tale for anyone who believes moving to a new location will solve all their problems.
When my husband and I drove our oldest son to college in August, I suggested he pick the audiobook we’d use to distract us from the tedium of an eight-hour drive.
In the past, I’ve been the one to choose the books. Typically, four hours into the trip, I’ll say, “Wow, I love this book! Can you believe how great this narrator is?” and he’ll say, “I stopped listening three hours ago.” “What?! How?! You’re in the same car?!” I’ll say and he’ll shrug. (He’s also sort of stopped paying attention to road signs and directions too, but that’s probably a story for a different newsletter.)
So this trip he picked Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey.
I’ll be honest, I have a hard time changing the channel if I stumble upon How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days but other than that, I’m not too familiar with this actor’s work. His memoir definitely surprised me. Some early parts (the ones involving his dad and brothers beating each other up) were a bit brutal and left me unsure where this story was headed, but the section in which he describes his year as an exchange student in Australia had me laughing ‘til my cheeks hurt.
This may not be for everyone, but there’s no denying he’s quite a raconteur. I also loved the way his rise to stardom seems to stem from equal parts passion, hustle, and plain-old being in the right place at the right time.
I was browsing Hoopla one day when it recommended Is It Hot In Here by comedian Zach Zimmerman. I loved this collection because it’s laugh-out-loud funny but also unexpectedly touching and poignant. I highly recommend it.
I’ve loved Rob Delaney since the first episode of Catastrophe so I’ve wanted to read his memoir, A Heart That Works, for a while. With unflinching honesty, the actor shares the story of losing his two-year-old son Henry to brain cancer.
At times, I found this so heartbreaking, I almost stopped listening. But Delaney’s love and affection not only for Henry but for his wife, other sons, his parents and sister, make this such a beautiful, life-affirming tribute, I had to keep going.
As a writer, I couldn’t stop thinking about how difficult this must’ve been for Delaney to do — to relive it all over and over again in putting it down and then reading it. But in doing so, he keeps his son alive and is undoubtedly helping so many others who’ve endured an unfathomable loss.
Enough about me, what did you do and read this summer? Tell me everything!
If you’ve made it this far and you’re comfortable sharing your address, send me a message at liz(dot)alterman@gmail.com and I’ll mail you a pumpkin bread (in the spirit of embracing autumn and because baking is my favorite way to procrastinate).
Thank you so much for reading!
The Importance of Not Losing Hope
“Maybe down the road I’ll figure out what’s missing and it’ll “bloom” at a later date.” -- Love this, Liz! Thanks for the inspiration.
Thanks for the mention, Liz!!!